What Happens During an EMDR Therapy Session
An Attachment-Focused Approach
If you are considering EMDR therapy, you may wonder what an EMDR session is actually like. Many people worry that they will have to relive painful experiences or that the process will feel overwhelming.
My approach is based on Laurel Parnell's attachment-focused model of EMDR, which emphasizes safety, the therapeutic relationship, and building internal resources before processing traumatic experiences. This often looks different from what people expect when they first hear about EMDR. Rather than following a rigid protocol, I tailor the process to each person's needs, strengths, and readiness.
What is EMDR?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based psychotherapy that helps the brain process traumatic and distressing life experiences in ways that can reduce emotional distress and support healing. Although the name refers to eye movements, many therapists—including myself—use gentle bilateral tapping as part of the process. EMDR is helpful for trauma, OCD, Panic Attacks, and even grief.
Researchers are still studying exactly how EMDR works in the brain. The current understanding is that bilateral stimulation (tapping), combined with focused attention on a distressing experience, helps the brain reprocess information that has become “stuck” in the nervous system, allowing memories to become integrated into the brain's broader memory network. As this happens, people often find that the memory becomes less emotionally and physically distressing, even though they still remember what happened.
EMDR Is More Than Reprocessing
One common misconception is that every EMDR session involves processing traumatic memories. In reality, preparation, stabilization, and integration are equally important parts of the work. Some sessions focus on developing coping skills, strengthening emotional resources, or reflecting on insights that emerge between appointments. The goal is to help clients feel supported and grounded rather than moving too quickly into difficult material.
Building Safety and Trust First
One of the things I appreciate most about attachment-focused EMDR is that it doesn't ask people to move faster than they are ready. In my experience, healing happens most effectively when people feel emotionally safe, understood, and supported.
Before beginning trauma processing, I spend time getting to know each client, understanding their experiences, and helping them develop a sense of safety and trust. Healing happens within the context of a supportive therapeutic relationship. Taking the time to build that foundation is not a delay in therapy—it is an essential part of the healing process.
Learning Grounding and Resourcing Skills
Preparation for EMDR includes learning ways to regulate the nervous system and manage difficult emotions. Together, we build internal resources that can help clients feel more stable and confident both during and outside of therapy sessions.
These resources may include:
* Grounding techniques
* Calming imagery and safe-place exercises
* Supportive memories and relationships
* Identifying personal strengths and resilience
* Developing greater awareness of emotions and body sensations
Building these resources helps clients approach healing with a stronger sense of safety and self-trust.
Integrating Parts Work and Internal Family Systems Concepts
I also integrate concepts from Internal Family Systems (IFS) and parts work into EMDR therapy when appropriate. Many people discover that different parts of themselves hold different feelings about healing. One part may want relief and change, while another part may feel protective, fearful, or uncertain. Rather than pushing these parts aside, we approach them with curiosity, compassion, and respect.
Understanding and working with these internal experiences often creates more space for healing and helps clients feel less conflicted within themselves.
What Happens During Reprocessing?
When a client feels ready, we may begin reprocessing a difficult memory or experience. Rather than using eye movements, I typically use bilateral tapping. As clients notice thoughts, emotions, body sensations, or memories while tapping, the brain has an opportunity to process experiences in a new way. Many people find that their distress gradually decreases, their perspective shifts, and they feel less stuck and more connected to their own resilience.
Importantly, clients remain in control throughout the process. EMDR is not about forcing memories or overwhelming emotions. We work collaboratively and adjust the pace according to each person's needs and readiness.
What If I Don't Remember What Happened?
One concern I often hear is, "What if I don't remember my trauma?" This is especially common for people who experienced childhood trauma, neglect, chronic emotional abuse. Sometimes memories are fragmented, unclear, or completely unaccessible. This does not mean that healing isn't possible.
Sometimes additional memories or insights emerge over time, and sometimes they do not. Neither outcome is necessary for healing. The goal is not to recover memories but to help your nervous system process experiences that continue to affect your life today.
EMDR does not require you to have a detailed memory of what happened. We can begin with what is available in the present moment. This might be a physical sensation in your body, an emotion that feels difficult to understand, a negative belief about yourself, or even a small fragment of a memory.
Using Tapping-In Between Sessions
The Laurel Parnell approach includes a practice called Tapping-In that clients can use between therapy sessions.
Tapping-In uses gentle bilateral tapping while focusing on positive experiences, supportive relationships, inner strengths, or other healing resources.
Many clients find that practicing Tapping-In between sessions helps them:
* Calm their nervous system
* Strengthen their ability to cope with stress
* Build confidence in managing difficult emotions
* Feel more grounded and connected
* Access supportive memories and internal resources
Healing is not limited to what happens during therapy appointments. Practicing Tapping-In between sessions helps reinforce the work we do together while strengthening resilience and self-confidence.
Integration Is an Important Part of the Process
After an EMDR session, people have different experiences. Some feel lighter or calmer, while others continue to notice thoughts, memories, dreams, or emotions unfolding over the next few days. This is a normal part of the brain's ongoing processing. We always take time to discuss what you're experiencing and adjust the pace of therapy based on your needs.
A Collaborative Approach to Healing
Over the years, I have learned that healing rarely happens by forcing ourselves to revisit painful experiences. More often, it happens when people develop a greater sense of safety, compassion, and confidence in their ability to face whatever arises.
That is why I place so much emphasis on building emotional resources and working at a pace that feels manageable. Whether we are building grounding skills, working with different parts of the self, practicing Tapping-In, or processing difficult experiences, the goal is always to support healing in a way that feels compassionate, collaborative, and sustainable.
If you are curious about whether EMDR might be helpful for you, I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. I provide telehealth therapy for adults and adolescents in California and New York and would be happy to answer any questions you may have about the process.
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Chiara Manodori, LCSW
Trauma-informed therapist specializing in helping adults and adolescents navigate trauma, eating disorders, OCD and related mental health concerns through effective evidence-based approaches.